doc_holi | Musebox #1 [CLOSED]

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musebox

Musebox #1 [CLOSED]

Who: Holiday and Six
What: being awkward/horrible/flirty/omg
When: Right after "Six Minus Six"
Where: Providence HQ
Warnings: Spoilers for "Six Minus Six" and MAYBE "Lions And Lambs"

Holiday walked back into the tower after the LONGEST couple of days she ever had. Okay, not the longest, but it was far too close for comfort.

She set the chart she had carried in with her down on the desk, already turning her attention to the computer screen. So, Caesar's invention hadn't worked... twice. It was good that her sister was cured, because Six had just become her new project. She had to get the other Six back. This one was driving her nuts... even if he could be sweet... when he wanted to be.

She sighed, staring at the computer, but not sitting down. At least, he wasn't physically hurt... That was a good plus.

Didn't mean that she couldn't worry...

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He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, forcing himself to be calm. His face closed off. Control...for the love of God, control...

"I'm sorry, Doctor. You were saying something?"

She breathed out, closing her eyes at his reply, then slowly opened them again, her look a good bit softer now.

"Six. I know you want to be him. I can see that much. But..." This was going to hurt her probably a lot more than it was going to hurt him. "You're just... not him. And whether you are or not, I still care for you and I don't want you to struggle trying to be someone that you aren't. So... It's alright. It's still your life and you shouldn't waste it trying to please people that you don't know."

Now, she desperately just wanted to leave... but she couldn't just leave him there... Not right now. At least, not yet. She had to reach him about this.

He tried to stay firm but only ended up slumping a bit.

"He sounds like he was something else. I want to give him back to you and Rex. I know you two were important to him. If I have to take over his life, I want to do it right."

"But you don't have to take over his life. Yes, I want him back and, yes, I want you to stick around, but I don't want you to do something like this for us. Not again."

She slumped a bit, too, trying to read if she was getting through at all to him.

"I don't want you to feel trapped like this. I know that... the Six I knew is still in there, but, for now, I'd rather you just be you... whoever that is. And I'm sorry for trying to tell you otherwise. It was wrong."

It didn't seem wrong at the time. It seemed like she was just trying to help him. But the more she watched him, the more he was struggling, the more he was fumbling. She'd rather him be a hound than be scared.

"If I be me, I'm not ever going to be him. You'll lose him for good," Six said with quiet certainty.

He closed his eyes. Would the other Six have been able to handle it? Then again, if the situation was reversed, the other Six would've been the better deal.

"You became him. Somehow. It's still not over."

Or, she's not giving up on it, at least. The Six she knew was still there and... strangely enough, it seemed like she was talking to him right now. That's what it felt like, anyway.

Yet, she knew she wasn't. And he knew it.

God, she wanted to go cry in an empty corridor somewhere.

That made Six mad.

"What if it is over? What if what sent him down that path can't be duplicated? If I be myself, you would never get him back. I'd probably at some point leave Providence to get back in the game because that's where I'm most comfortable."

The old routine of getting a job and heading out to perform it had been relieving, almost like a security blanket. The territory was nice and familiar. The contract didn't change and someone always wanted someone else dead.

And this made Holiday mad.

"It's not about us, anymore. I trust you to make the right choices by you. It's your life. Not ours. This is yours to make it whatever you want and whatever that is I will stand behind you on it. I know who you are and you aren't someone that needs to hurt yourself for other people more than you already have!"

Screaming, yelling, and being overall angry helps out a lot. Keeps her from crying for a little longer.

To be honest, the argument's helping him as well to a certain point. He had a lot of frustration to unload and training wasn't helping for once. He needed someone he trusted to talk to.

He didn't entirely trust Holiday since she'd assisted Salazar but he felt compelled to. His other self had had his reasons to trust her. Rex had trusted the other Six's judgment, so why couldn't he?

However..."That. Wasn't. Me. Only One would've received that level of sacrifice from me. Nobody else." His hands formed fists. "Yet he gave up everything he was to do what he could for you and for Rex. Maybe he even knew that there'd be consequences to whatever happened that caused him to revert to me but the alternative would've been worse and fallen on your heads instead. I'm not trying to be him for you or Rex or the rest of this insane future. I'm trying to give him what he wanted: Your safety and happiness."

Now, she was actually pretty pissed. All he wanted. Their safety. Their happiness.

She took a step closer, getting in his face about this. "How do you know what he wanted? You don't remember! I don't even know what he wanted! All you know is what you want! What do you want!?"

"I don't remember but I've seen the tapes and you've said it yourself. Or is there some other reason he would spend his off time here when there was plenty of other things to do?!

"As for what I want, I want to go home to a world that makes sense! But as I'm constantly reminded, that world disappeared six years ago! What I want is impossible!"

He stood there trembling with rage and anguish.

"And if I can't have what I want, I should at least try to do something right."

And another step closer, her voice low, dangerous, and probably about to kill him, while her eyes flashed with that deep saddness she has kept schooled for years.

"We all want that world back. Never think for a second that you're the only one. We make do with what's given to us and we take nothing, not a damn second, for granted.

"You have a new start. You have no attachements weighing you down. It's your life to do with whatever the hell you want to do! Not ours! Not his! Yours! Do you have any idea how many people would kill to have their memories taken?! If you want to do something right, then do something right by you for once! Don't live your life for us and don't live your life for him! It's yours!"

May have been mentioning herself in there a little bit, but it's not like anyone could blame her. He needed to learn from the mistakes that were already made and his other self was as close as he could be to that goal. Stay away from everyone and you won't get hurt. Especially, during these times.

"It's his life! Admit it! My existence at this current moment in time was at his expense! You know it, I know it, the whole goddamn organization knows it! Knight needs his second-in-command, Rex needs his father figure, you need whatever he was to you---friend, lover, whatever--and you all have to make do with sloppy seconds!

"Everybody's watching me, waiting for me to become him because it happened once before, right? Each time I vary from his pattern, it's like there's just this avalanche of disappointment. You tell me it's all right that I don't measure up, that it's okay to be mediocre, but it's not true!"

He didn't back down from her approach. He wondered if she'd try to slap him. If she did, he knew he couldn't guarantee her safety.

Oh, she wanted to slap him.

"This isn't about everyone else! It's not about me! It's not about Rex! It's not about White! Or Providence! Or the world! This is about you! This is your life! Not his! He's gone!"

As soon as she said it, she flinched back, the hurt showing clearly on her face. She quickly closed her eyes putting a hand to her face.

Six watched her as she covered her face, the anger draining out of him and leaving a hollowness inside.

"But you want him back. You want this to be real."

He motioned to his reflection. The glass provided a perfect illusion that Agent Six, not simply Six, was there with her.

"If you were me, what would you do?"

If she were him? If she had simply forgotten the past six years like they had never existed? Suddenly having the weight of the world on her shoulders. A man on a screen shouting orders. A kid looking completely helpless. Another man just... probably just walking away... she didn't know what he would've done.

She didn't know what she would've done. Everyone expecting that other person to come back and couldn't wait for you to go.

What would she do?

"I don't know." And she honestly didn't. Would she do like she just told him. Leave all of these attachments that she didn't even know of behind or stay with them and fought to bring back that person they wanted?

She still wanted to slap him, but at least she wasn't a breath away from it anymore.

That's what he'd thought.

"If I leave, I have nowhere else to go. I threw away my old life a second time for Salazar's attempt to restore those memories."

And Salazar had blown it.

She turned away from him, but she still didn't leave. She wanted to, but if she did, she'd regret it.

"Rex did say that the choice you made to do that was a step closer to the Six we knew... and he was right, but..."

Her hand went back to her face when she almost turned back to look at him. No, she did not want to look at him.

"I do want you to become the man you were, but I don't want it to be against your will and I don't want you to act it... You've been through enough. You don't need to fake your own life, too."

Seeing him hurting and struggling because he was lying to be something he wasn't, hurt more than actually just loosing him in the first place.

Her refusal to even look at him stung. He stamped down on that. It was easier if he had fewer attachments. That way he couldn't disappoint them. It didn't matter. She'd said that she was fine with how he was anyway.

Maybe if he said that enough times, he'd start to believe it.

He turned away and stated flatly, "I apologize for the outburst, Doctor. Let me know when you wish to have another appointment."

He started to walk away. Just walk. As much as he wanted to run, he needed the extra time to pull together some semblance of Agent Six's composure.

"I'm the one that's sorry."

She turned fully to face the window, but she still refused to open her eyes. She was far too weak for this right now.

"I can't help you at all and I'm sorry."

Her voice was soft, genuine, sincere. She wanted to help in any way she could, but she just couldn't. Another situation where she was useless. Another one.

He stopped for a moment, glancing back over his shoulder at her. It hurt that she still didn't look at him.

"...At least you listened."

He turned back forward, took a deep breath, and walked towards the exit.

"Not good enough."

She said it to him, but it was mostly meant for her and she found herself not caring whether he heard or not. Her arms had wrapped around her somewhere in all of that. She hated fighting with him, always had, but this was... different.

The tears were probably already coming out, so she looked to the floor, trying and failing to compose herself.

Six kept walking. What could he offer her for comfort anyway? She couldn't even look at him because he was a reminder of what she'd lost.

He left the lab, face composed but internally just as miserable as she was.

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Musebox #1 [CLOSED]

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